Lil' Drummer Boy


[Bailiff]
Will the court please rise?
Judge Funk Doctor Spock residing

[Prosecutor]
Your honor Lil’ Kim is a threat to society
She has shown a blatant disregard for the law
And has killed six fine law enforcement agents in the line of duty
For the vicious acts
She should be punished to the fullest extent of the law

[Lil’ Kim]
Pardon me your honor
May I address the bench?
They try-na assassinate me like they did to Larry Flynt
* Coughs
Excuse my persona
I may be hardcore but I’m not Jeffrey Dalmer
Ever since I killed ‘em
I ain’t been in trouble since
It wasn’t my fault I acted out of self-defense
He killed my best friend
(Who’s him?)
I mean them
They was all dressed in blue and they want me dead too
They had real grenade bombs inside of their palms
And a whole bunch of guns wrapped tight in their arms
See them bastards woke me up when they broke my alarm
I was getting my ass licked by this cat named Tom
(Stop!)
I heard three guns cocked that’s when Tom dropped
They sent the bow and arrow right through his tank top
(Oh she’s lying!)
Lying? Blood was gushing on the floor
Fingerprints all on the door
Need I say more?
Pulled out the remote can and shot blows after blow
Ploom! Queen off her toes
They fell down like dominoes
I think it was the Matrix, I mean it was the Matrix
What was I do?
Sit back and just take this?
Yo I tell you now
If I lose this debate
Like in Dead Presidents
I’m going out like Lorenz Tate
See I ain’t gon be stupid
I’m gon take all y’all to the shift
I should be able to say what I want
What the fuck I plead the fifth
(Now Kim, Kim)
Fuck that Cee-lo
I got to save the world
The first female king and they mad cause I’m a girl

[Cee-lo]
Uh with all due respect your honor
Excuse my client’s temperament
Who has had social intelligence?
With so much innocence we have to implement
She was slightly out of place
But if you grant us a grain of your grace
I’ll assure you it’s only stress due to the severity of the case
I’magine for a minute, yourself in the same shoes
The same sense of survival and the same nothing to lose
Your children, your lovely wife
I mean look at her
The only thing she’s guilty of is having no choice in the matter

[Kim]
Lord I cry, I cry
From the things that I’ve seen
That I’ve seen
And Lord I cry, I cry
From the things I’ve seen, ooh
If you only knew the things I’ve been through
Oh yeah
You’d know why
You’d know why I cry, I cry, I cry

[Redman]
Order! Order! Order!
Order! Order! Order!
Order in the courts, I’m examining her thoughts
And the notes on why you started slaughtering the fort
The men dressed in blue they were undercover cops
Hungry to see another black motherfucker shot
They ran up in your spot and no one gave the orders
Even Tom was tapped with a mic and a tape recorder
(He was in on it too!)
Yeah
(I should’ve known)
Yeah
(Objection your honor)
Yo objection overruled
I know the news they tried to pay the grand jury
To give you life sentence with parole up in thirty
Now that’s dirty, surveillance and you debate
Fuck Will! Now you’re the new Enemy of the State
Angela Bobbett’s cake compared to you
And Junior Mafia that clique ain’t scared to move
So they took precautions
Grenades from all force and
Professional marksman with four fours of war hymn
But you stopped, dropped, rolled and duck
Shot back other bitches would’ve folded up
Now that’s my kind of bitch
I know I’m the judge
But I love that bitch
And I’m coming with her
Creme of crop and me I’mma hold her down
Resign with A-K’s so we blowing the trial
Look it’s a setup
Yo Kim come on
(I’m right behind you baby)
Yo Kim come on
(I’m right here with you man)

[Kim]
Lord I cry, I cry
From the things that I’ve seen
That I’ve seen…


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