Magna Cum Nada

Why try? I’m that guyHolden Caulfield from "Catcher In The Rye"Put away ‘cause he wasn’t all thereLike a jigsaw puzzle you might compareMe to him not a liver but wurstBeen much better off as a still birthBig let down unparalleledLike the last episode of "Seinfeld"Or Jack Lemmon in "Glengarry Glen […]

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Take The Long Way Home

May I have your attention please?May I have your attention please? Did you ever read Voltaire’s "Candide"?He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speedNot a quote of what he wrote but a paraphraseMake it up as you go Keyser SozeHighlights yes but don’t underline ‘emJust live for N.O.W. […]

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Mope

We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin’ playa that ain’t with us no mo.Yeah, Notorious B.I.G.Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin’.Yeah, Tupac Shakur.Nah bitch, I’m talkin’ ‘bout motherfuckin’ Falco and shit.What? Falco? Rock me AmadeusRock me AmadeusRock me […]

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Hell Yeah

Alright now boys and girls we’ve got another story for you now!We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible! Hell yeahHell yeahHell yeahHell yeah If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea […]

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Along Comes Mary

Every time I think that I’m the only one who’s lonelySomeone calls on meAnd every now and then I spend my time at rhyme and verseAnd curse those faults in me And then along comes MaryAnd does she want to give me kicks and be my steady chickAnd give me […]

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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10. […]

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I hope You die

You must die I alone am best! I hope ya flip some guy the birdHe cuts you off and you’re forced to swerveIn front of the Beatles’ tour busA Bookmobile and a Mack truckHauling hazardous biological wasteThe light turns red you have no brakesAnd "Hard Copy" gets it all on […]

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Mama’s Boy

Hello Frank,Hello mother dearHi, …, what are you doin’I am trying to think of words that rhyme with vaginaOh, lima? Like lima beansHow about that, that teenage witch, SabinaNo, that’s a made up-word, JimWhat if you change the word vagina to something elseLike box or pussy or cunt.No, Jim……..

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