Grow Old With You

[Billy Idol (Speaking):] Good afternoon everyone. We’re flying at 26,000 feet, movingup to thirty thousand feet, and then we’ve got clear skiesall the way to Las Vegas, and right now we’re bringin you some in-flightentertainment. One of our first-class passengers has written a songinspired by one of our coach passenger, […]

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Bad Boyfriend

Why don’t you pick up after your done?I’m not your slaveI’m not your motherI’m not your maidI mean I’ve got a life tooSo fuck you! Why can’t you be nicer to my friend?They’re gonna be here soonLast time they were hereYou just sat in the bedroomFriday you went out with […]

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At A Medium Pace

Put your arms around me babyCan’t you see I need you soHold me close against your skinI’m about to beginLovin’ you Spit on your hand and stroke my cockAt a medium pacePlay with my balls and tell meHow big they areHoney, rub your beaverUp and down my faceSit on the […]

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Dip Doodle

Jabawokee ding dong slip slap sleeDipstick paddywhack pee pee googalee geePolly wolly sling slang skooey dibbely dooWing wong ping pong king kong Cheech ‘n Chong hop hip kagagoogoo Hickory dickory slickory flip flap dip skip to my louFlim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham whack snack koochie koochie kooPlus you […]

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Assistant Principal's Big Day

[Speaking through a microphone]"Good morning students and faculty, If I could have your attention please.As you may, or may not know, Principal Cambell will not be here for the rest of the week due to a throat infection. Leaving me, assistant principal Dunbar, as the school’s lone administrator for the […]

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Buddy

[Moving Train]"Next stop! Coopersville!" [Two guys talking]"Hey Buddy""Buddy!""How was the bathroom Buddy, pretty gruesome?""Buddy, I had to hold my breath Buddy!""Eheh Buddy, don’t even tell me about it Buddy!""Buddy I know.""Buddy, M&M’s?""Chocolate me, Buddy!… Tasty Buddy!""Buddy definitely""Hey get in on this drink Buddy!""Buddy, don’t mind if I do""It’s a bloody, […]

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Dancin’ And Pantsin

When I was a young manI didn’t like to danceI was shyI’d stand against the wall all nightI’d never take a chanceSo afraidI wouldn’t get on that dance floorUnless I was really drunk10 shots But I found a place where the stars hang outAnd they taught me how to funkReal […]

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Fatty McGee

[Talking quietly][M1:] "Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man."[M2:] "We just had a test a week ago. Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!"[M1:] "And it counts for 80 percent of our grade."[M2:] "Well we better study our butts off."[M1:] "Well we came to the right place, the […]

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I’m So Wasted

[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass][Joe:] "Hey pal! How ya doin?"[M2:] "I’m so wasted, man."[Joe:] "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!"[M2:] "Thanks man."[Joe:] "It’s good party, huh?"[M2:] "Oh, it’s great man."[Joe:] "Hey that’s some good acid, huh?"[M2:] "Oh, killer man."[Joe:] "Hey, my pleasure."[M2:] "I’ve never been higher."[Joe:] "Oh ho, […]

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Cordurory Blues

When I was a boyThere was no limit to what I could eatShake after shake after shake after shakeFollowed by all kinds of red meatMetabolism runnin’ around so fastMy body never gained to weightThat pissed off all my Momma’s friendsAnd made my big-boned sister irateBut now I’m a manAnd all […]

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Food Innuendo Guy

Ooooh yeahBaby, baby, baby, I wanna stew your tomatoBaby, baby, baby, I want to french fry your potatoBaby, baby, baby, won’t you pluck my grapesWon’t you peel my banana like a pack of wild apes?I’m your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy Baby, baby, baby, you got honeydew melonsBaby, […]

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Do It For Your Mama

[J.N.:] "I can make a bigger splash than you!"[Jimmy:] "Oh yeah, give it a shot." [While jumping up and down on diving board][J.N.:] "Can opener!"[Big splash][Jimmy:] "Man, that one was huge."[J.N.:] "You go." [While running towards pool][Jimmy:] "Ahhhh, jacknife!" [Jumps in and small splash][Tracy:] "That was a dud, Jimmy."[Jimmy:] "Shutup, […]

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Crazy Love

[Adam:] You don’t mind that I think everybody’s a robot and all my conversations are being recorded[Lisa:] And you don’t mind that all of my pants are way too short on me and I also stabbed someone with a pair of scissors a long time ago (ha-ha-ha)[Adam:] And you don’t […]

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Girl

[Arsenio (Chris Rock):]Now don’t leave us hanging with just that. [JP:]Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio.Yo guys, lets kick it! [Music starts playing] [JP:]Yo now, before we start singing, You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs, we also do our own choreography. [JP:]Girl, I can’t stop […]

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Four Years Old

HeyWhy’d you wake me from my nap?I’m not in the moodTo play your gamesOr sit on your lap YouWhere’s my Yankees drinking glass?I want some juiceAnd I want it nowSo you better move your assAnd feel bad for me‘Cuz I’m just getting over a cold I’m four years old!I’m four […]

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