********************************************
A Scientist disconnectedhis Doorbell.
Do you know why.?Bcoz,He wanted to Winthe No-Bell Prize..
********************************************
…Sign on the door ofa Toilet in this timeof recession….,
Conserve Toilet Paper…Use Both the sides :)
********************************************
;(CHANGE is Good. . .Especially..when you..Take a Bus. . . . :)
******************************************** ;
(CHANGE is Good. . .Especially..when you..Take a Bus. . . . :)
********************************************
@ The First Month,the Boss gave His Secretary a
Frockas her Salary…. And in theSecond Month…????? ???
He Raised The ‘Sal@ry’..;-(
********************************************
:(‘There areThree kinds of people –
Those who Can Countand those who Can’t.’ ;)
********************************************
VIRGIN Mobile’s new Ad. : “TRY US…
We are More Experienced thanOur Name Suggests.!!! ;)
******************************************** *
Asking good questionsis half of learning.
*No person ever becamewise by chance.- Seneca.
*Never confuse asingle defeat witha final defeat.- F. Scott
********************************************
“Delay” is the enemy of efficiency,
“Waiting” is the enemy of utilisation.
So, Don’t delay anything & Don’t wait for anything..
********************************************
“Give a person a fishand you feed himfor a day.
Teach a person to fishand you feed himfor a lifetime.” – Chinese Proverb.
********************************************
“Life is like a coin.Pleasure and pain r the 2 sides.
Only one side is visible at a time. But remember other side is also waiting for its turn”.
********************************************
“Life is not about thepeople who act trueto your face…
It’s about the peoplewho remain true behind your back.”
********************************************
“Life never turns theway we want. But we live it thebest way we can.
There’s no perfect life, but we can Fill it with perfect moments”..
********************************************
“No one is born happy but every one is born
with ability to create happiness”.
so make every one Happy by Flashing ur sweetest smile.
********************************************
“Silly Mistakes done byan Unliked person willbe like a Crime.
But,A Crime done by aFavourite person istaken as Silly.”:)
That’s because of Affection :-(
********************************************
“The person who loves u more wil fight with u more,
but when u drop a tear they will fight the world to Stop ur tears “.
********************************************
“To the question of your life, you are the answer””
To the problem of your life, you are the only solution”- Einstein
********************************************
“When times are good,be happy;
but whentimes are bad, consider;
God has made the oneas well as the other.”
God allows both goodand bad times to cometo everyone.
He blends them inour lives in such a waythat
we can’t predictthe future or counton human wisdom and power.
When life appearscertain and controllable,
don’t be self-satisfiedand when it is not,don’t despair.
God will bringgood results out oftough times.
********************************************
=>Every Second I Remember
U=> everyMinute I Miss U=>
EveryHour I Care About
UItsAll Bcos=========> U r My Lovely sweet HEART..
********************************************
1 day, a fisherman got up very earlier.
There wasn’t enough sunlight 2 go in2 d sea.
He saw a pack of stones, 2 pass the time he started
throwing d stones in2 d sea.
While having the last stone in the hand d sun came up.
Then only he saw that d stones were diamonds.
He felt 4 his misfortune of throwing all of them in2 d sea.
Moral: Dont get up earlier!
********************************************
1 More day to retain your Add-on facility!
To retain your Add-on number,
SMS ACT to 700 on or before 23-Dec.
Rental of Rs.10/Add-on will be charged. Call 17199
********************************************
1 stone is enough tobreak a glass.
1 sentence is enough to break a heart.
1 second is enough tofall in love.
And 1 sms is enough tokeep relations in touch.
********************************************
2 humans ascendeda certain geological
protuberance to collecta hydride of oxygen
whose quantity isnot specified. 1 member
descends dramatically suffering mechanical
damageto the cranial part ofhis anatomical structure.
The 2nd member follows the first in a similarseries
of rapidirregular disturbing movements..
In Simple English..Jack & Jill went upthe
hill to fetch a pailof water.Jack fell down and
broke his crown andJill came tumbling after.
********************************************
3 Women are in aGym locker room ofa Club,
when a Manruns thru’ Nakedbut covering his Facewith a mask.
Looking BetweenHis Legs,1st Woman,
“He is NOTMy Husband.”2nd Woman
“Yes,he is Certainly NOTYour Husband.!!”
3rd Woman,”Wait a minute.!
He is NOT Even aMember of this Club.!”
********************************************
A Blonde calls a Mechanicto fix her car.
He gets it goingin 2 minutes. What was the Problem.?
Just Shit in the Air Filter.! How often Do I Have toDo That.?
********************************************
A Drunk EntersChurch Confession Boxsays Nothing
Priest coughs & KnocksNo answer Priest bangs 3 times
Drunk – “No use knockingNo Toilet Paperthis side too”
********************************************
A friend lik “U” is a gift dat paints a smile in heart.
It gives memories dat will stay in me,
not 4 a while but 4 a life time..
******************************************
A Scientist disconnectedhis Doorbell. Do you know why.?
Bcoz,He wanted to Winthe No-Bell Prize..
********************************************
Anger and Happiness -Make your Anger so Expensive
so thatNo ONE can Afford it,andMake your Happinessso
Cheap that peopleGet it Free.
********************************************
HEIGHT OF FORGETFULNESS:”
Boy opening his tiffinbox on d road 2 chk
If he is going to school or coming back from it.”.
********************************************
A simple man believes anything.But a
prudentman gives thought to his ways .
********************************************
A Scientist disconnectedhis Doorbell.Do you know why.?
Bcoz,He wanted to Winthe No-Bell Prize..
********************************************
..Sign on the door ofa Toilet in this timeof recession….,
Conserve Toilet Paper…Use Both the sides :)
********************************************
1 day, a fisherman got up very earlier.
There wasn’t enough sunlight 2 go in2 d sea.
He saw a pack of stones,
2 pass the time he startedthrowing d stones in2 d sea.
While having the last stone in the hand d sun came up.
Then only he saw that d stones were diamonds.
He felt 4 his misfortune of throwing all of them in2 d sea.
Moral: Dont get up earlier!
********************************************
20 yrs ago iSold 50 shares to buy88
model AmbassadorLast week I sold50 shares of
samecompanyagain andam able to buy88 model Ambassador.
Market is stable
********************************************
3 Women are in aGym locker room ofa Club,
when a Manruns thru’ Nakedbut covering his
Facewith a mask.Looking BetweenHis Legs,1st Woman,
“He is NOTMy Husband.”2nd Woman
“Yes,he is Certainly NOTYour Husband.!!”3rd Woman,
“Wait a minute.!He is NOT Even aMember of this Club.!”
********************************************
;(CHANGE is Good. . .Especially..when you..Take a Bus. . . . :)
********************************************
;(What’s the best wayto see Flying Saucers.?.?.?.?..?
JustPinch the Waitress.! :)
********************************************
=>Every Second I Remember U=> everyMinute
I Miss U=>EveryHour I Care About UItsAll Bcos
=========>
U r My Lovely sweet HEART..
********************************************
@ The First Month,the Boss gaveHis
Secretary a Frockas her Salary….And in theSecond
Month…????? ???
********************************************
*Asking good questionsis half of learning.*
No person ever becamewise by chance.- Seneca.
*Never confuse asingle defeat witha final defeat.- F. Scott
********************************************
“Beautiful life is just an imagination..
but Life is more beautiful than imagination:)
********************************************
“Delay” is the enemy of efficiency,”Waiting”
is the enemy of utilisation. So,
Don’t delay anything & Don’t wait for anything..
********************************************
“Give a person a fishand you feed himfor a day.
Teach a person to fishand you feed himfor a lifetime.”
– Chinese Proverb.
********************************************
“Life is like a coin.Pleasure and pain r the 2 sides.
Only one side is visible at a time.
But remember other side is also waiting for its turn”..
********************************************
“Life is not about thepeople who act trueto your face…
It’s about the peoplewho remain true behind your back.”
********************************************
“Life never turns theway we want.
But we live it thebest way we can.
There’s no perfect life,but we can Fill it with perfect moments”..
********************************************
“No one is born happy but every one is born
with ability to create happiness”. so make every one
Happy by Flashing ur sweetest smile.
********************************************
“Silly Mistakes done byan Unliked person willbe like a Crime.
But,A Crime done by aFavourite person istaken as Silly.”:)
That’s because of Affection :-(He Raised The ‘Sal@ry’..;-(
********************************************
:(‘There areThree kinds of people –
Those who Can Countand those who Can’t.’ ;)
********************************************
“The person who loves u more wil fight with u more,
but when u drop a tear they will fight the world to Stop ur tears “.
********************************************
“To the question of your life, you are the answer””
To the problem of your life, you are the only solution”- Einstein
********************************************
“When times are good,be happy;
but whentimes are bad, consider;
God has made the oneas well as the other.” . – .
God allows both goodand bad times to cometo everyone.
He blends them inour lives in such a waythat
we can’t predictthe future or counton human wisdom
and power.When life appearscertain and controllable,
don’t be self-satisfiedand when it is not,don’t despair.
God will bringgood results out oftough times.
********************************************
A Blonde calls a Mechanicto fix her car.
He gets it goingin 2 minutes. What was the Problem.?
Just Shit in the Air Filter.! How often Do I Have toDo That.?
********************************************
A Drunk EntersChurch Confession
Boxsays NothingPriest coughs & KnocksNo answer
********************************************
Priest bangs 3 timesDrunk – “
No use knockingNo Toilet Paperthis side too”
********************************************
A friend lik “U” is a gift dat paints a smile in heart.
It gives memories dat will stay in me,not 4 a while but 4 a life time..
********************************************
A GENIUS is a person who can do for $1
what any fool can do for $100″-As such v complete syllabus in 1 day,
what Lecturers try in 1 yr…
********************************************
A little bit of theFragrance always
clingsto the hand thatgives roses.
When we work toimprove the livesof others,
we indirectly elevate our own lifein the process.
When we take careto perform acts ofkindness daily,
our own life becomesfar richer and more meaningful.
********************************************
A Penis Sleeping peacefully is called
“SIMPLE LIVING” When Erect, it’s”HIGH THINKNG”
When Erect but hasNo one to Fuck It’s
“SIMPLE LIVING,HIGH THINKING.!”
********************************************
A Wife is like theStreet Lights alongthe road.
They don’t make the Distance any Shorter,
but, they light upthe path and makethe walk Worthwhile.
********************************************
A truely touching frnd understands when u say i am sad,
4gives when u say am sorry,feels happy when u say i love u,
smiles when u say i miss u, bt dies when u say’Forget me’
********************************************
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah Ah
Ah Ah
Ah
Ah Ah HAAAccchhi……Excuse me…!
Sorry for the Disturbance….
********************************************
All Planets inour Solar system,save Earth,
areNamed after anancient Roman Godor Goddess.
********************************************
All that we are isthe result of whatwe have thought.
The mind is everything.What we think,we become.
– Gowthama Buddha.
********************************************
ANGER Comes Alone But TAKES AWAY all
GOOD Qualities OUT of Us,SILENCE Comes Alone But
BRINGS IN all GOOD Qualities INTO Us.
CONQUER ANGER WITH SILENCE..
********************************************
DEFINITION of LAZINESS :
‘It’s a Talent ofTaking Rest Beforeyou Get Tired.’.
********************************************
Do not worry about those who have come thru boats.
Our forces can easily defeat them,
WORRY about those who have come thru votes ….
those are REAL ENEMIES
********************************************
Every thing is Incomplete without
‘ME’.__mory__lodyco__dyti__ga__
so__thing__aning__etingeven this __ssage..
So have ‘ME’ with You Always!.
********************************************
Every WomanNeeds a Husbandbecause there
area Number of thingsthat Go Wrong,
And for EverythingYou canNot Blamethe Government…
********************************************
If a drop of water fall in to the lake, it has no identity,
But if it fall into the rose, it will shine.
So select a place where you can shine. …
********************************************
If it is compulsory to submit 90 calls today itself,
thats enough for todays productivity.
U r nt simply sittg na.
********************************************
If the fall-out continues,by the turn of the decade,
only two banks will be
operating -“blood bank andsperm bank.!”
********************************************
If we make the unconditional commitment to
reach our most important goals,if the strength ofour
decision is sufficient,we will find the wayand
the power to achieve our goals.
********************************************
If you feel little bored,little sick, little sad, all lost,
You know what’s wrong.?You are suffering from lack of Vitamin ‘ME’
********************************************
If you want to have avery good relationshipand
lots of love betweenyou and your parents,
brothers, sisters,friends, lover,
spouseor to any one whomeans a lot to
you -It’s very Simple.Just COMMUNICATE.
Tell them, what everyou think and ask themto tell you,
what everthey think, know and feel.
Only Unsaid things leadsto Problems.
Think.
Disclose everything andbe close and Love each other.
********************************************
IMPRESSED LINE:”Dont cry for anybody
bcoz they r not fit for ur tears…
The one who is fit for ur tears will not allow you to cry.
********************************************
In a park, a verySexy Lady walks in frontof two
Old Men intheir 80’s…Old man 1- Let usRape her.
Old man 2 – Ok.! But,with what.?
********************************************
In life,we have a lot to Lose & very little to Choose..!
Whenever u get a chance to choose,
do it wisely & see dat u NEVER LOSE WAT U CHOOSE.
********************************************
In terms of the numberof electorate,
Lakshwadeep is theSmallest Lok Sabha constituency
********************************************
In this world, everyWife is a Mistress toher Husband.
1 hour of Miss and23 hours of Stress.
********************************************
In Which Sport doWinners Move
Backwards and Losers move Forwards.?
? Guess.? ? ? ? Try.! ? ? Tug-of-War.!
********************************************
“The Sweetness of Choclate Remains in
Tongue for Some Minutes butThe Sweetness of A FriendLIKE URemains
Always in My Heart ForEver..”
********************************************
;-(A Lady asked aBank Manager : ‘Whatis a Joint Account.?
‘He explained : ‘It meansthe Husband Deposits and
the Wife Withdraws’ :-(
*******************************************
;(In a Dense Forest,Tourist : Look Guide,
Here are someLion Tracks.!Guide : Good,
YouStart SeeingWhere
They Go andI’ll Find outWhere they Came From. :(
*******************************************
:(…Girl’s Father : Do you Drink.?Prospective
son-in-law : First tell me whetherit is a
Question oran Invitation. ;)
*******************************************
:)In a Bara Guy : “Baby, DrinkingMakes
You Beautiful.”Girl : “But, I Don’t Drink.”Guy : “I DO.” ;(
*******************************************
“I hate life”somebody said to God..
God replied”Who asked u to love life?
Just love a person who loves u and life will be beautiful on its own.
*******************************************
1st friend : Youhave Invested soHeavily in Stocks,
Yet you say YouSleep Like a BABY.?
2nd friend : I Sure Do.!I Wake Up EVERY HOURand CRY.!
*******************************************
1st Lawyer : You’re a Fool.
2nd Lawyer : And You’rea Damn Fool.
Judge : As the Learned Lawyers have nowIdentified Each other,
Can we Proceed withthe Case.?
*******************************************
A bird sitting on the branch of a tree doesn’t get
frightened by the shaking branch, because the bird
trusts not the branch but its wings! Have faith in your
abilities and not the market conditions.
That’s the way successful people have survived
difficult times. Good day to you
*******************************************
A cute proposal by a boy in third standard….
Boy asked the girl:”Can I take your photograph,
so that I can tell Santa what I want this Christmas ?” GM :-)
*******************************************
A Father andhis Little Son werestanding in front
of theTiger’s Cage in the Zoo.The father was explaining how
Ferocious Tigers are. Boy : Dad, if the Tigergot
Out of it’s Cage andAte You Up . .Dad : Yes son . .
(expectantly)Son : What Bus should Itake Home. . .?
*******************************************
A Father of 4 KidsWon a Toy at a fair.
He called his Kids andsaid the One whoAlways OBEYS
MomGets the Toy..The Kids said,
“Okay Dad, then,You Keep It.!”
*******************************************
A girl removd hr jeans,threw at hr boyfrnd n
said MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WIFE Boy also
remvd his jeans,threw at d girl &said
WASH BOTH D JEANS ……
*******************************************
A guy died and went to hell.Devil gave him a list
of punishments and let him 2 choose1…But instead,
he challenged the devil to make him suffer…
Devil tried all the punishments but it failed every time…
the devil started crying and asked,How do U tolerate
all these punishments?
The guy repliedI’am a BPO employee…
*******************************************
A Lorry went pullinganother lorry with a Rope.
A Villager who saw this started laughing.
He said “Oru Kayyiraikondu pogaradhukkuRendu Lorry’aa.?.!!”
*******************************************
A man bid on a Parrotin an Auction.
He really Wanted thisbird, so he kept onbidding.
But he kept ongetting Outbid, sohe bid Higher and Higher.
Finally, he Won the Bid.As he was paying,
hesaid to the auctioneer,
“I surely hope such aCostly Parrot Can Talk.
” “Don’t worry”, saidthe Auctioneer,
“HeCan Talk. Who Do youThink Kept BiddingAgainst You.?”…
*******************************************
A man once went to a temple.
He was afraid tat someone might steal his shoes so he
left a notice: DO NOT TRY TO STEAL MY SHOES-BOXIN CHAMPION.
Whn he came back he found his shoes missin.
Instead der was a notice
DO NOT TRY TO CATCH ME – OLYMPIC RUNNING CHAMPION ;-)
*******************************************
A moral story :
My girlfriend invited me 2 her house 1day. I
found her sister alone in d house..
She was unbelievably sexy…
She whispered in my ear “i have feelings 4 u,
shall we have sex “I immediately turned
around n walked to d front door to go 2 my bike..
i found my girl friend standing there..
she hugged me n said “you’ve won my trust”…..!!!
MORAL OF D STORY: its always better to keep d condoms in d bike,
not in pocket….
*******************************************
A parrot asked a crow y ru so black?
No one will like u.
The crow replied even though.
i’m black i’m very free flying around….
But u’ll be put in the cage b’coz ur beautiful…
That is life…..
Moral: Beauty won’t be considered in every part of the life….
so make u’re negative thgs in u as positive and
enjoy life the way you want…
*******************************************
A sincere devotee asked God,”I Want Peace”
God replied:Remove ‘I’ thats Ego;
Remove ‘Want’ thatz desire;&’Peace’ is automatically attained.
*******************************************
A Superb Thought :
“I Will be a Reason forone’s Happiness andNot be a
Part of it andI Will be a Part ofone’s
Sadness andNot be a Reason for it”.
*******************************************
A Villager waseating for along time in a marriage.
Friend :How longwill you eat.?
Villager :See theinvitation card.
It is writtenLunch time: “12 to 3pm”
*******************************************
A Woman to her Friend,
“Before marriage,a man will lie awakeall night
thinking about something you say.
After marriage,he’ll fall asleep beforeyou finish.”
*******************************************
Angry Wife Staring at her
Husband in the morning.!Husband : “Sure, I knowWhat Day It Is
The Day I Realize thatOur AnniversaryWas Yesterday.”
*******************************************
Arguing with your Bossis like Wrestling witha
Pig in the Mud.After sometimeyou realise thatYou are
Getting Dirty,but, the Pig isActually Enjoying it.
*******************************************
Art of living: First of all, dont mk relations.
If made, dont go close to them.
If gone, dont like them.
If liked, then plz..dont leave them…
*******************************************
Boss : We are very keenon Cleanliness.
Did you Wipe Your Feeton the Mat as youCame In.?
New employee : Yes Sir. Boss : We are also keenon Truthfulness.
There is NO MAT.
*******************************************
By performing theintegral of theinter-planetàry
displacements overthe total limits of the universe,
and takingthe quasical differentiation in the time-space plane
(limit t->0 at infinite relative distànce)
andby astronòmicalobservation of time radiatiòn
freqüèncy(taking static squareplane on eàrth surfaceas referènce)
of the emissions from thesun and alpha cèntüari,
I have arrived at this conclusion that ~~~~Today is a Thursday.
*******************************************
Can Two Humans Livewith Single Breathe.?Yes…
When a Child isInside it’s MotherandWhen a
Friend like Youis Inside My Heart .
*******************************************
Drunk Husband to
Wife :”I said I wouldBe Home Early. . .
Doesn’t 4 A.M. Qualify.?”?
*******************************************
During war, enemy soldier Captures 2 Nuns,
SaysI want RevengeI’ll RAPE you All.
Young nun requestsPLEASE SPARETHE OLDER NUNOlder
Nun: Shut Up.!War is War!
*******************************************
Father to young Son :Son, You shouldNever Lie.
One Lie begets Another Lie,
then Another Lie andBefore You Know It,
You’re A LAWYER.
*******************************************
a Man invites every onefor His MarriageExcept his PARENTS.
Friend asks the Reason,he says,
“Did My ParentsInvite Me forTheir Marriage.?
Then Why should I.?
********************************************
a Man parked his car ina “No Parking area”.
When he returned hesaw a notice on his car
“Parking Fine”.Irish writes”Thanks forthe Compliments.”.
********************************************
Man 1 to Man 2 :”They say thatMarriage makes
aMan DIZZY, and it’s True.”!Tom : “How do you say.?”
Jim : “As soon as I gota Wife, I LostMy Balance at the Bank”
********************************************
Little Boy Praying on new year
eve: O Lord,
In this New Year,
please send clothes for those poor ladies,
Who’re in my brother’s computer….
********************************************
YOU MAY HAVE
5 REASONS FOR NOT MESSAGING ME
1. No time
2. No free sms
3. No balance
4. Network problem
5. You don’t have enough Guts to disturb a “LION”
********************************************
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